Justify Your Existence With Hum
by Stephen Thompson
The Onion: Why should anyone buy your record?
Jeff Dimpsey (bass): That's a real loaded question. Jesus. That's like trying to convince a girl at a bar why she should have sex with you when you meet her. You're just gonna end up sounding stupid, aren't you?
The Onion: Not necessarily.
JD: You don't think so?
O: Well, I mean, you'd sound stupid trying to convince a girl to have sex with you, but you probably won't sound stupid when you try to convince people to buy your record.
JD: You think?
O: Yeah, you're a musician type. You're used to selling yourself.
JD: Oh, I am? I thought those were two separate things. That's why we got a major label. They spend lots of money on us and try to sell us, so we don't have to worry about it.
O: So you don't have an answer?
JD: I don't know. I don't think I've ever had to justify my existence to any extent in my life. Um, no, not a good one. We'll rock your ass to the fuckin' moon.
Are you a generous humanitarian? Long-time fan of the site? Consider making a donation to Mission Control.
© 2017 H-U-M.NET